Friday, February 13, 2009

About Last Night ......

Do you have any idea what happens when a big ass Boxer dog decides to eat 5+ lbs of birdseed?

Messy.
Not a little messy.
Humongous Messy.
I really should have taken a picture messy.
Messy like, You could bury a cat in it, messy.

The wife is out of town & that always presents a problem for the poor dogs when I have to work.
Basically, if I'm gonna be gone for 12 hours I just don't feed them their regular amount before I go. Just a handful to keep em from starving. They do ok and get an extra big feeding when I get home.

Trust me. I've learned the hard way on this. If you feed them before work? You WILL come home to turds on the floor.

It's not their fault. I do feel bad about leaving them with an empty belly all day.

That's not really true. I feel bad if I feed them and
after working 12 hours, come home to dog turds all over the house. That makes me feel bad.

Somehow, The Big Guy knows when I'm gonna be working. I get up and let them do their Doggie thing, 3-4 times before I head off.
Yesterday, every time I let them all out, Big Guy ends up in the garage. I didn't think much of it.

I should have been paying attention.

It seems he's decided that he likes Bird Seed and didn't tell me.
So he was sneaking around and chowing down on the bird seed every time I let them out.

Knowing he wasn't gonna get his normal breakfast, the Shithead decided to fend for himself.

It's hard to be angry about that kinda forward thinking. But Holy Shit, was there a friggin' mess to clean up.

But, being the even tempered guy that I am I grabbed my pistol and chased him through the house blasting 45 caliber holes in walls, floors and furniture till the magazine was empty.

Relax. I'm lying, I only pulled the pistol out and thought about shooting his ass. I fed him and everything. Before starting the cleanup even.

He can't help it. The poor bastard's fixated on food. The rotten Sonzabitch who had him originally starved his ass. He's about 110 lbs now. He was 70lbs when he was rescued from, Rotten Sonzabitch last year. No wonder he's food crazy.

So I'll have to not leave a bag of bird food out where he can get at it anymore.

Did I mention how messy that was?

But Hey, they love us. Here's a dog that loves his owner.
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